help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
