Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
