I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
