He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i think i just lost a toe
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
