i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
