That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
