My sheets look like a crime scene.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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