did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
