You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He felt like a one man threesome
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
