i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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