u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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