put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
