apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
