I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
