I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
