we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
