pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
