as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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