can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
