Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
