She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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