Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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