A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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