I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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