ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
