come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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