I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
