Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
