You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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