Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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