Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
