Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
