I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
