I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
