I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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