I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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