No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
