I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
