Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
