i may or may not be watching the land before time
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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