nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
