Me too!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize