Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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