And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
