You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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