Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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