Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
