I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
