That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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