that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
