guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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