the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
