Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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