his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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