I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
