Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
from now on my penis is your penis
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
