Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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