a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
