Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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