...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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