Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
