Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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