I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
