she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
