My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
