I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
