I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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